I’m just talking out loud.

Recently the question was asked of me, “do you have any regrets?” Immediately, I said no. Some years ago, I taught myself to not have regrets. I became more interested in Sankofa and felt it’s concepts were more beneficial for my life than regrets. But is any of that viable?

I've spent a large portion of my life making intentional choices, hoping and believing those choices would have certain outcomes. In some instances, I’ve diminished myself, my light and my presence in the midst of others. Part of it is due to my own insecurities. Oftentimes, I’ve shrunk myself in hopes of being accepted and respected, chosen even. 

I’m just talking out loud. 

More times than not, I’ve still found myself abandoned, heartbroken, disappointed, and afraid. I’ve spent a lifetime catering to the wants, needs, desires, uncertainties, insecurities, and fears of others. And I’m not alone. So many of us have done the same. 

I want to be free. Free from the fear. Free from the anxiety. Free from the trauma. Free from the limits. Free from struggle. Free from uncertainty. Free from doubt, scars, frustration, and insecurity. Freedom has become my goal. 

I’m just talking out loud. 

This is my season of Sankofa. It began the day my father died. Do I have any regrets? No. I choose to not have them. But I am looking back, I am thinking back, and considering what has been for the sake of where I’m headed. I am determined to fetch what’s was almost left behind. I’m determined to go back and get what was lost. 

Moving forward, I am reminded, this has to be for me and no one else. As of late, I’ve found myself asking myself, “what is the point of any of this? What has been the point of any of this?!” I think I have an idea of what the answer is…maybe not. But what I do realize is this, it all should have been for and about me. It will be, to the best of my ability, moving forward. 

Pay me no mind. I’m just talking out loud.